Fantastic Four - directed by Josh Trank
Starring: Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B Jordan, Jamie Bell, Toby Kebbell, Tim Blake Nelson, Reg E Cathey, Dan Castellaneta
Running Time: 100 minutes
Rated: M - mild violence and not a lot of it.
There are so many reasons that I was not hopeful that this would be a good movie.
I didn't like the last crack at these characters - 2005's "Fantastic Four" with Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Michael Chiklis and Chris Evans (easily the best aspect)
But while it's not fair to judge this reboot based on that I just didn't like the characters much last time and I couldn't see that changing.
Then there is the lacklustre trailers, muddled marketing then distinct lack of marketing and the review embargo that means we won't see any critical word until the day of release.
Very rarely a good sign.
And what about that running time?
100 minutes for a Marvel flick..... not really enough time specially when compared to the usual two to two and a quarter hours.
But then again this does star Miles Teller who is always good and Kate Mara who I could look at for roughly twelve hours without blinking or getting slightly bored so it isn't completely without appeal.
It is written By Simon Kinberg who has given us an excellent X-Men movie (Days of Future Past), the very good "Mr & Mrs Smith" but also the very average "Jumper" and the pretty awful "xXx: State of the Union".
Therefore it is fair to say that going in I had low expectations.
This is sometimes a good way to be pleasantly surprised but equally as often an excellent reason for kicking myself in the shin as I ponder what else I could have seen with the price of the ticket.
Having said that a friend was very excited for this and it became an excellent excuse to get a few guys together for ribs and beers at the local before the screening.
I wrote that intro two days ago and in those two days the review embargo lifted and the court of public opinion went into session.
So far "Fantastic Four" has been utterly savaged by critic and movie goer alike.
I have seen multiple 1/5 reviews and more attempts at being clever with review titles than I have seen since "Fifty Shades of Grey" came out.
'Four yes - Fantastic no!!'..... 'Not so Fantastic Four'..... and so on.
Having now seen it I am certainly not going to call it good but it is not terrible - certainly not to the degree that you would think from the hatred that it is attracting.
I wasn't bored while watching and there were a couple of moments that I quite enjoyed.
Admittedly they amounted to things like having a chuckle at young Reed Richards' use of a rack full of Nintendo 64's as his processing array or any time that Kate Mara appeared on the screen but still... enjoyment is enjoyment.
So no- "Fantastic Four" is not very good at all.
But why?
The chief culprit is the script.
There's nothing wrong to start with.
We see Reed Richards as a youngster pissing his teacher off (The Simpsons Dan Castellaneta) by claiming that when he grows up he wants to build a teleporter.
We meet Ben Grimm here too and it isn't long before the two are fast friends building the teleporter in Reed's parents garage.
Flash forward to the pair as teenagers demonstrating the advanced teleporter at a science fair to the very same (and still pissed off) teacher.
Next they are at The Baxter Institute and have met Sue Storm and her Father.
Victor Von Doom is brought back in after he left the project and set fire to the data centre some time before.
He is apparently some sort of genius that they cannot do without.
At this point the final member of the soon to be Fantastic Four is introduced.
Johnny Storm is revealed as a street racing no hoper who bangs up his car and breaks his arm.
His Father uses the written off car as leverage to get him to join he and his sister at the institute to assist with their work in completing Reed's teleporter.
Now, I will leave the ridiculousness of that last plot point alone because it is at this point that the bigger problem is clear.
The pacing on this movie is way, way off.
We are almost an hour in and the team have only just used the machine, beamed off to the parallel Earth planet and come back minus Victor and with the addition of some super powers.
Sue can turn invisible and has telekinesis of sorts.
Johnny can engulf himself in flames and fly.
Ben has permanently turned into a huge rock creature and Reed has turned into super stretchy-rubber man.
The powers are quickly explained with about two minutes or less of exposition and then the military take them away to Area 57 in the mountains somewhere and then bam- it is a year later.
And we now have about 40 minutes of time left on the clock.
So much time is spent setting up the accident that will result in the creation of the Fantastic Four and their nemesis that you would expect the characters would be full fleshed out and polished to a fine sheen along the way.
Nope.
They are not.
Ben Grimm gets the worst deal but Sue and Johnny Storm are not far behind.
None of these characters has any motivation revealed or unique characteristics displayed.
There is a brief period of tension between Ben and Reed but otherwise they all kind of just get along.
Worst of all we are robbed of the time period in which characterisation should have been built up.
The time after the accident when they are all coming to terms with their powers.
This period is skipped right over with a "1 Year Later" title.
Now so far my claim that the movie is not good but not terrible might appear to be false but there are things to praise.
Miles Teller does more with his character than the script would indicate possible and he has a lot of the sort of screen presence that he usually does in far better movies.
Kate Mara also puts in a valiant effort.
But Michael B Jordan is completely wrong for the role and just doesn't have the swaggery blow-hardness that Johnny Storm requires.
I don't know to what extent Ben Grimm is played by Jamie Bell once he becomes The Thing but the creature itself is not too bad.
The effects are not going to win any oscars and often they are pretty weak generally but the design and execution of The Thing is decent enough.
Toby Kebbell is great with the time that he is given to play the severely underwritten Victor Von Doom but the best part of this character for me was his surprisingly gruesome display of power as he decimates a military base having become Dr Doom.
Heads squish to pulp and globs of blood splash onto walls as he strides effortlessly to freedom.
It is all far too late of course and the hastily wrapped up finale is not only weak but far too short and not nearly spectacular enough for the conclusion to a Marvel property.
Or indeed to any action adventure flick of any significance.
We are finally left with an appalling scene where the name of the team is decided on and all that remains is a cringe as the credits role and the realisation that there is to be no mid-credit or after credit bonus scene.
This is a complete head scratcher of a movie.
The acting and direction are fine and even the weak special effects don't damage it too much.
It is completely the writing that wrecks the entire thing.
Why wasn't this addressed before a frame of movie was shot?
How does the man who wrote so many well paced, effective films of a similar type come to create this- a script that has such glaring shortcomings that even on first skim they should have been obvious?
Maybe it read like some sort of amazing character development but I assure you it is not.
I feel sorry for the stars of the film who are left to promote this movie without any help from the mysteriously absent Josh Trank.
They deserve better and so does the audience.
For me this sits somewhere around "The Green Lantern" or even the last Fantastic Four movies that were released in the quality (or lack thereof) stakes.
I stand by my contention that this movie is not as bad as most people are saying but given the passion with which they are saying it this surely counts as very, very faint praise.
RATING: 58 / 100
CONCLUSION: This one was hobbled before it left the gate. A weak script with terrible pacing and no big action set pieces doomed the entire thing.
Starring: Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B Jordan, Jamie Bell, Toby Kebbell, Tim Blake Nelson, Reg E Cathey, Dan CastellanetaRunning Time: 100 minutes
Rated: M - mild violence and not a lot of it.
There are so many reasons that I was not hopeful that this would be a good movie.
I didn't like the last crack at these characters - 2005's "Fantastic Four" with Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Michael Chiklis and Chris Evans (easily the best aspect)
But while it's not fair to judge this reboot based on that I just didn't like the characters much last time and I couldn't see that changing.
Then there is the lacklustre trailers, muddled marketing then distinct lack of marketing and the review embargo that means we won't see any critical word until the day of release.
Very rarely a good sign.
And what about that running time?
100 minutes for a Marvel flick..... not really enough time specially when compared to the usual two to two and a quarter hours.
But then again this does star Miles Teller who is always good and Kate Mara who I could look at for roughly twelve hours without blinking or getting slightly bored so it isn't completely without appeal.
It is written By Simon Kinberg who has given us an excellent X-Men movie (Days of Future Past), the very good "Mr & Mrs Smith" but also the very average "Jumper" and the pretty awful "xXx: State of the Union".
Therefore it is fair to say that going in I had low expectations.
This is sometimes a good way to be pleasantly surprised but equally as often an excellent reason for kicking myself in the shin as I ponder what else I could have seen with the price of the ticket.
Having said that a friend was very excited for this and it became an excellent excuse to get a few guys together for ribs and beers at the local before the screening.
I wrote that intro two days ago and in those two days the review embargo lifted and the court of public opinion went into session.
So far "Fantastic Four" has been utterly savaged by critic and movie goer alike.
I have seen multiple 1/5 reviews and more attempts at being clever with review titles than I have seen since "Fifty Shades of Grey" came out.
'Four yes - Fantastic no!!'..... 'Not so Fantastic Four'..... and so on.
Having now seen it I am certainly not going to call it good but it is not terrible - certainly not to the degree that you would think from the hatred that it is attracting.
I wasn't bored while watching and there were a couple of moments that I quite enjoyed.
Admittedly they amounted to things like having a chuckle at young Reed Richards' use of a rack full of Nintendo 64's as his processing array or any time that Kate Mara appeared on the screen but still... enjoyment is enjoyment.
So no- "Fantastic Four" is not very good at all.
But why?
 |
| Actors (left) Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B Jordan and Jamie Bell with their characters (right) |
There's nothing wrong to start with.
We see Reed Richards as a youngster pissing his teacher off (The Simpsons Dan Castellaneta) by claiming that when he grows up he wants to build a teleporter.
We meet Ben Grimm here too and it isn't long before the two are fast friends building the teleporter in Reed's parents garage.
Flash forward to the pair as teenagers demonstrating the advanced teleporter at a science fair to the very same (and still pissed off) teacher.
Next they are at The Baxter Institute and have met Sue Storm and her Father.
Victor Von Doom is brought back in after he left the project and set fire to the data centre some time before.
He is apparently some sort of genius that they cannot do without.
At this point the final member of the soon to be Fantastic Four is introduced.
Johnny Storm is revealed as a street racing no hoper who bangs up his car and breaks his arm.
His Father uses the written off car as leverage to get him to join he and his sister at the institute to assist with their work in completing Reed's teleporter.
Now, I will leave the ridiculousness of that last plot point alone because it is at this point that the bigger problem is clear.
The pacing on this movie is way, way off.
We are almost an hour in and the team have only just used the machine, beamed off to the parallel Earth planet and come back minus Victor and with the addition of some super powers.
Sue can turn invisible and has telekinesis of sorts.
Johnny can engulf himself in flames and fly.
Ben has permanently turned into a huge rock creature and Reed has turned into super stretchy-rubber man.
The powers are quickly explained with about two minutes or less of exposition and then the military take them away to Area 57 in the mountains somewhere and then bam- it is a year later.
And we now have about 40 minutes of time left on the clock.
 |
| Human Torch, Dr Doom and The Thing - reasonably rendered |
Nope.
They are not.
Ben Grimm gets the worst deal but Sue and Johnny Storm are not far behind.
None of these characters has any motivation revealed or unique characteristics displayed.
There is a brief period of tension between Ben and Reed but otherwise they all kind of just get along.
Worst of all we are robbed of the time period in which characterisation should have been built up.
The time after the accident when they are all coming to terms with their powers.
This period is skipped right over with a "1 Year Later" title.
Now so far my claim that the movie is not good but not terrible might appear to be false but there are things to praise.
Miles Teller does more with his character than the script would indicate possible and he has a lot of the sort of screen presence that he usually does in far better movies.
Kate Mara also puts in a valiant effort.
But Michael B Jordan is completely wrong for the role and just doesn't have the swaggery blow-hardness that Johnny Storm requires.
I don't know to what extent Ben Grimm is played by Jamie Bell once he becomes The Thing but the creature itself is not too bad.
The effects are not going to win any oscars and often they are pretty weak generally but the design and execution of The Thing is decent enough.
Toby Kebbell is great with the time that he is given to play the severely underwritten Victor Von Doom but the best part of this character for me was his surprisingly gruesome display of power as he decimates a military base having become Dr Doom.
Heads squish to pulp and globs of blood splash onto walls as he strides effortlessly to freedom.
 |
| Less of this.... left and centre... and more of this.... right. Pacing is a major issue |
Or indeed to any action adventure flick of any significance.
We are finally left with an appalling scene where the name of the team is decided on and all that remains is a cringe as the credits role and the realisation that there is to be no mid-credit or after credit bonus scene.
This is a complete head scratcher of a movie.
The acting and direction are fine and even the weak special effects don't damage it too much.
It is completely the writing that wrecks the entire thing.
Why wasn't this addressed before a frame of movie was shot?
How does the man who wrote so many well paced, effective films of a similar type come to create this- a script that has such glaring shortcomings that even on first skim they should have been obvious?
Maybe it read like some sort of amazing character development but I assure you it is not.
I feel sorry for the stars of the film who are left to promote this movie without any help from the mysteriously absent Josh Trank.
They deserve better and so does the audience.
For me this sits somewhere around "The Green Lantern" or even the last Fantastic Four movies that were released in the quality (or lack thereof) stakes.
I stand by my contention that this movie is not as bad as most people are saying but given the passion with which they are saying it this surely counts as very, very faint praise.
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