San Andreas - directed by Brad Peyton
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Carla Gugino, Alexandra Daddario, Ioan Gruffudd, Paul Giamatti, Hugo Johnstone-Burt, Archie Panjabi, Will Yun Lee, Kylie Minogue
Running Time: 114 minutes
Rated: M - One 'F' word, some minor wounds and an abundance of offensive scriptwriting.
Due to a late alert that an advanced screening of "Aloha" was available tomorrow I had to shift tomorrows booked screening of "Tomorrowland" to today.
And as I already had a movie booked that meant back to back movies with mere minutes in between Brad Birds flick and this Dwayne Johnson disaster movie.
And why not?
A enjoy a big old effects laden disaster movie of the sort that I used to cherish as a youngster.
Titles like "The Towering Inferno", "The Poseidon Adventure" and of course "Earthquake"- the very subject matter of this movie.
Four hours of back to back movies is a commitment and settling into a chair for the final two hours watching this sort of movie seemed like a reasonable plan.
Opening with a rather nicely done shot tracking from the hills of the San Fernando Valley to a blonde local recklessly driving while rummaging through her bag and texting it soon sets its tone.
Rather than the expected head on collision the hapless moron instead gets flung off the side of the road and down into a freshly opened ravine courtesy of..... yes- an earthquake.
She comes to a precarious rest deep within this earthy crack after a tumbling crash with enough impact to kill The Hulk.
Our damsel in distress however still looks blonde and lovely with only a couple of scratches and a light dusting of muck.
Enter Dwayne Johnson and his veteran crew of Los Angeles Fire Department rescuers.
Johnson's Chief Gaines and his team are accompanied by a news crew doing a story on them.
Cheap exposition follows as the reporter asks her questions.
Then it is on to the rescue which is ridiculous beyond words but exciting enough.
And honestly- that sentence alone would really suffice as a complete review - 'Ridiculous beyond words but exciting enough'.
This movie is basically special effects looking for a story.
What plot there is centres on Johnson and estranged wife Carla Gugino searching for their daughter Alexandra Daddario amidst the biggest earthquake in recorded history.
Also along for the ride are cliches so hackneyed that I almost love them.
We have the new love interest who turns out to be a cowardly cad.
There is a tragedy that the hero has never quite recovered from but who knows?- maybe he can find redemption.
Of course the fractured marriage - every disaster flick including "2012" and "The Day After Tomorrow" has one of those.
And a daughter who is very, very smart, stupidly beautiful and so flawless of character that she could only possibly exist in a movie.
In this case she is played by the quite extraordinary Alexandra Daddario - I refer to her physical presence rather than her acting talent.
To be fair she nor anyone else can salvage much from the dialogue and the thinly written characters in this film.
Carla Gugino arguably suffers even more than Daddario.
She not only has to frequently make goo-goo eyes at Dwayne Johnson to show what a terrible mistake those divorce papers were but in the middle of an earthquake actually leaves her soon to be ex-lover a voicemail telling him that if he isn't already dead she is going to kill him.
Yes- the man she was about to move herself and her daughter in with not more than a few hours earlier is cast aside.
I guess it's the consequence of trying to stuff several earthquakes and a family drama into a movie that runs less than two hours.
I know- no one is going to show up for the characters or the relationships.
We just want to see stuff get messed up really, really thoroughly.
In this regard "San Andreas" doesn't entirely disappoint.
The effects are decent and even the 3D is pretty good.
Entire cities will crumble before our eyes and there is no shortage of action.
But just like Johnson's last film "Fast and Furious 7" there isn't room for spectacular action and a brain it seems.
This movie is really, really dumb.
And I am not talking about the risible dialogue or the cliched, poorly formed characters - this kind of movie is pretty much exempt from such criticisms.
No- I am referring to absurd spectacles like a boat that rides up a near vertical tsunami wave while dodging containers falling off a ship that then takes out the Golden Gate Bridge.
It is supposed to be a 'holy shit!!' moment but only manages the latter half.
And then there is the whole sticky issue of Gaines effectively stealing a rescue chopper amidst the worst disaster in US history to save his family with not even a single radio message enquiring as to where the hell he is was and why he wasn't actually doing his job!
This is formula filmmaking of a sort that makes anything that Roland Emmerich has done look like high art.
At least Emmerich takes some time with the setup before destroying the planet.
"San Andreas" tosses in some of the clumsiest exposition I have ever seen in order to get to the next action sequence and ramps each up in the absurdity stakes to the point that all tension is removed.
Director Brad Peyton has a couple of kiddie effects pictures to his name prior to this and it looks like he might have hit his level.
Aside from a couple of inventive shots his talent appears to be restricted to bringing an effects flick in on time and budget.
I confess that the main reason I wanted to see this is for a load of cool special effects and for Carla Gugino. I absolutely worship her but with all due respect to the always awesome Miss Gugino - neither she nor the effects are anywhere near enough to make this worth recommending.
It is humourless, cliched and worst of all ultimately dull and I can recommend it only to folk who have always wanted to see Kylie Minogue fall off a skyscraper.
She does this only after she has delivered a one dimensional, cliched character who exists only to impart a single piece of expositionary information of course.
RATING: 58 / 100
CONCLUSION: Some decent effects and the stunning loveliness of Gugino and Daddario can't save this cliche ridden brainless mess.
Running Time: 114 minutes
Rated: M - One 'F' word, some minor wounds and an abundance of offensive scriptwriting.
Due to a late alert that an advanced screening of "Aloha" was available tomorrow I had to shift tomorrows booked screening of "Tomorrowland" to today.
And as I already had a movie booked that meant back to back movies with mere minutes in between Brad Birds flick and this Dwayne Johnson disaster movie.
And why not?
A enjoy a big old effects laden disaster movie of the sort that I used to cherish as a youngster.
Titles like "The Towering Inferno", "The Poseidon Adventure" and of course "Earthquake"- the very subject matter of this movie.
Four hours of back to back movies is a commitment and settling into a chair for the final two hours watching this sort of movie seemed like a reasonable plan.
Opening with a rather nicely done shot tracking from the hills of the San Fernando Valley to a blonde local recklessly driving while rummaging through her bag and texting it soon sets its tone.
Rather than the expected head on collision the hapless moron instead gets flung off the side of the road and down into a freshly opened ravine courtesy of..... yes- an earthquake.
She comes to a precarious rest deep within this earthy crack after a tumbling crash with enough impact to kill The Hulk.
Our damsel in distress however still looks blonde and lovely with only a couple of scratches and a light dusting of muck.
Enter Dwayne Johnson and his veteran crew of Los Angeles Fire Department rescuers.
Johnson's Chief Gaines and his team are accompanied by a news crew doing a story on them.
Cheap exposition follows as the reporter asks her questions.
Then it is on to the rescue which is ridiculous beyond words but exciting enough.
And honestly- that sentence alone would really suffice as a complete review - 'Ridiculous beyond words but exciting enough'.
 |
| Action galore as cities crumble |
What plot there is centres on Johnson and estranged wife Carla Gugino searching for their daughter Alexandra Daddario amidst the biggest earthquake in recorded history.
Also along for the ride are cliches so hackneyed that I almost love them.
We have the new love interest who turns out to be a cowardly cad.
There is a tragedy that the hero has never quite recovered from but who knows?- maybe he can find redemption.
Of course the fractured marriage - every disaster flick including "2012" and "The Day After Tomorrow" has one of those.
And a daughter who is very, very smart, stupidly beautiful and so flawless of character that she could only possibly exist in a movie.
In this case she is played by the quite extraordinary Alexandra Daddario - I refer to her physical presence rather than her acting talent.
To be fair she nor anyone else can salvage much from the dialogue and the thinly written characters in this film.
Carla Gugino arguably suffers even more than Daddario.
She not only has to frequently make goo-goo eyes at Dwayne Johnson to show what a terrible mistake those divorce papers were but in the middle of an earthquake actually leaves her soon to be ex-lover a voicemail telling him that if he isn't already dead she is going to kill him.
Yes- the man she was about to move herself and her daughter in with not more than a few hours earlier is cast aside.
I guess it's the consequence of trying to stuff several earthquakes and a family drama into a movie that runs less than two hours.
I know- no one is going to show up for the characters or the relationships.
We just want to see stuff get messed up really, really thoroughly.
In this regard "San Andreas" doesn't entirely disappoint.
The effects are decent and even the 3D is pretty good.
Entire cities will crumble before our eyes and there is no shortage of action.
But just like Johnson's last film "Fast and Furious 7" there isn't room for spectacular action and a brain it seems.
This movie is really, really dumb.
And I am not talking about the risible dialogue or the cliched, poorly formed characters - this kind of movie is pretty much exempt from such criticisms.
No- I am referring to absurd spectacles like a boat that rides up a near vertical tsunami wave while dodging containers falling off a ship that then takes out the Golden Gate Bridge.
It is supposed to be a 'holy shit!!' moment but only manages the latter half.
And then there is the whole sticky issue of Gaines effectively stealing a rescue chopper amidst the worst disaster in US history to save his family with not even a single radio message enquiring as to where the hell he is was and why he wasn't actually doing his job!
 |
| There is no shortage of talent or appeal and Johnson is a genuine screen presence but ultimately it's for nothing |
At least Emmerich takes some time with the setup before destroying the planet.
"San Andreas" tosses in some of the clumsiest exposition I have ever seen in order to get to the next action sequence and ramps each up in the absurdity stakes to the point that all tension is removed.
Director Brad Peyton has a couple of kiddie effects pictures to his name prior to this and it looks like he might have hit his level.
Aside from a couple of inventive shots his talent appears to be restricted to bringing an effects flick in on time and budget.
I confess that the main reason I wanted to see this is for a load of cool special effects and for Carla Gugino. I absolutely worship her but with all due respect to the always awesome Miss Gugino - neither she nor the effects are anywhere near enough to make this worth recommending.
It is humourless, cliched and worst of all ultimately dull and I can recommend it only to folk who have always wanted to see Kylie Minogue fall off a skyscraper.
She does this only after she has delivered a one dimensional, cliched character who exists only to impart a single piece of expositionary information of course.
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