Poltergeist - directed by Gil Kenan
Starring: Sam Rockwell, Rosemarie DeWitt, Jared Harris, Jane Adams, Saxon Sharbino, Kyle Catlett, Kennedi Clements, Susan Heyward
Running Time: 94 minutes
Rated: M - Very, very mild violence
We're back in remake territory again.
Or reboot or re-imagining or whatever they're using these days.
I shouldn't be too cynical because after all Mad Max: Fury Road is sort of a remake, sort of a sequel and sort of a re-imagining.
The difference for me going into this one over George Miller's masterful slice of movie is that I really, really like the original Tobe Hooper "Poltergeist" from 1982 and I don't revere the original Mad Max's much at all.
Yeah- 1982 the year that gave us E.T, Blade Runner, Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan, The Thing, Tron, Conan the Barbarian and First Blood.
I can't see that year being beaten in a hurry but in fairness- this year is doing pretty well with still plenty to come.
We've already had an Avengers flick with Ant Man to come along with a new Terminator, Ted 2, Tomorrowland, Mission Impossible 5, Jurassic World and oh yeah- that little Star Wars movie.
I'll include Poltergeist in that mix too- benefit of the doubt and all that.
Probably the most appealing part of this new Poltergeist movie is the casting.
Sam Rockwell is always great (and often the best part of movies he's in) and I love Rosemarie DeWitt.
She is an underrated actress who shines when given the chance.
Check out "My Sister's Sister" sometime - it's a gem.
And of course there is Jane Adams ("Little Children", "The Wonder Boys") and the terrific Jared Harris ("The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", TV's "Mad Men").
In the early stages of Poltergeist Rockwell and DeWitt look to capture some of the playfulness that JoBeth Williams and Craig T Nelson played so well in the 1982 movie.
As good as this pair are the edginess just isn't there.
They talk PG dirty just as their predecessor's did but the dope smoking is gone and the tv remote battle humour is missing too. The foundations are there but nothing ever sparks.
It points to a major issue with this remake (and that is certainly what it is) - it is in far too much of a rush.
At 94 minutes there isn't room for the characters to settle into themselves.
In no time the youngest child has become fixated on the tv then has disappeared into a crazy closet.
I had the attachment to this character that one might find in a pet goldfish about to be flushed down the toilet.
'Oh well... we'll get another one'.
And it isn't just young Madison who suffers so..... Not a single character is given enough time to endear themselves to the audience.
Every scene that looks like it is an attempt by the scriptwriters to develop character is cut short.
There is a dinner party that is telegraphed early but lasts just long enough to drop some information on a burial ground that was moved to make way for the families house.
This scene could have been used to flesh out DeWitt and Rockwell's characters but instead it exists only to impart the snippet of information about the house and to remove the parents from it while the kids get terrorised by the unhappy non-moved cemetery residents.
And I say terrorised with a huge caveat because this movie is not at all scary.
Not a bit.
Now, the 1982 one wasn't very scary either but it was loaded with memorable scenes.
Everyone remembers the guy peeling his own face off in chunks over the sink.
In this version it is some barely seen worms on Rockwell's face.
Not scary and far too brief.
With the addition of 3D scares ought to have been a doddle to pull off.
The 3D is in fact rather good in this film.
Depth and even a few in your face moments work really very well.
But the Boo! factor is totally missing.
The editing and pacing just won't allow for anything that remotely gets the hairs standing up or the blood pumping.
Any ten minutes of "The Conjuring" contains infinitely more worrying stuff than the entirety of "Poltergeist".
This is an insipid, pointless remake.
It is in far too much of a hurry to get to the end credits.
The characters suffer and whatever good work the four main adult characters do it is for nought.
I miss the oddness of Zelda Rubenstein's character and the smarminess of James Karen and the inventiveness of Industrial Light and Magic's visual effects.
Technically the ones in this film are 'better' but artistically the originals effects piss ectoplasm over these high tech bores.
Most of all I miss the pacing and the care that went into Hooper's original. It had real people reacting realistically to an unreal situation.
It built and built and the payoff was worth it.
I cared about the family and even the supporting characters.
It was (and is) a rollercoaster ride and a lot of fun.
This remake is the Disneyland cup and saucer ride of horror films.
If you are too scared to go on the rollercoaster you can go in the teacups and tell people that you went on a ride.
It's kind of true.
Avoid this one.
RATING: 62 / 100
CONCLUSION: Dull, lifeless and utterly pointless remake that squanders the talents of some good actors and wastes some pretty nice 3D.
Running Time: 94 minutes
Rated: M - Very, very mild violence
We're back in remake territory again.
Or reboot or re-imagining or whatever they're using these days.
I shouldn't be too cynical because after all Mad Max: Fury Road is sort of a remake, sort of a sequel and sort of a re-imagining.
The difference for me going into this one over George Miller's masterful slice of movie is that I really, really like the original Tobe Hooper "Poltergeist" from 1982 and I don't revere the original Mad Max's much at all.
Yeah- 1982 the year that gave us E.T, Blade Runner, Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan, The Thing, Tron, Conan the Barbarian and First Blood.
I can't see that year being beaten in a hurry but in fairness- this year is doing pretty well with still plenty to come.
We've already had an Avengers flick with Ant Man to come along with a new Terminator, Ted 2, Tomorrowland, Mission Impossible 5, Jurassic World and oh yeah- that little Star Wars movie.
I'll include Poltergeist in that mix too- benefit of the doubt and all that.
Probably the most appealing part of this new Poltergeist movie is the casting.
Sam Rockwell is always great (and often the best part of movies he's in) and I love Rosemarie DeWitt.
She is an underrated actress who shines when given the chance.
Check out "My Sister's Sister" sometime - it's a gem.
And of course there is Jane Adams ("Little Children", "The Wonder Boys") and the terrific Jared Harris ("The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", TV's "Mad Men").
In the early stages of Poltergeist Rockwell and DeWitt look to capture some of the playfulness that JoBeth Williams and Craig T Nelson played so well in the 1982 movie.
As good as this pair are the edginess just isn't there.
They talk PG dirty just as their predecessor's did but the dope smoking is gone and the tv remote battle humour is missing too. The foundations are there but nothing ever sparks.
It points to a major issue with this remake (and that is certainly what it is) - it is in far too much of a rush.
At 94 minutes there isn't room for the characters to settle into themselves.
In no time the youngest child has become fixated on the tv then has disappeared into a crazy closet.
I had the attachment to this character that one might find in a pet goldfish about to be flushed down the toilet.
'Oh well... we'll get another one'.
And it isn't just young Madison who suffers so..... Not a single character is given enough time to endear themselves to the audience.
Every scene that looks like it is an attempt by the scriptwriters to develop character is cut short.
There is a dinner party that is telegraphed early but lasts just long enough to drop some information on a burial ground that was moved to make way for the families house.
This scene could have been used to flesh out DeWitt and Rockwell's characters but instead it exists only to impart the snippet of information about the house and to remove the parents from it while the kids get terrorised by the unhappy non-moved cemetery residents.
 |
| Some nice 3D and a good (although totally wasted) cast are all that Poltergeist has to recommend it |
Not a bit.
Now, the 1982 one wasn't very scary either but it was loaded with memorable scenes.
Everyone remembers the guy peeling his own face off in chunks over the sink.
In this version it is some barely seen worms on Rockwell's face.
Not scary and far too brief.
With the addition of 3D scares ought to have been a doddle to pull off.
The 3D is in fact rather good in this film.
Depth and even a few in your face moments work really very well.
But the Boo! factor is totally missing.
The editing and pacing just won't allow for anything that remotely gets the hairs standing up or the blood pumping.
Any ten minutes of "The Conjuring" contains infinitely more worrying stuff than the entirety of "Poltergeist".
 |
| In 1982 you had spooky demons and pools of scungey corpses. In 2015 it's mildly concerned people and yawns |
This is an insipid, pointless remake.
It is in far too much of a hurry to get to the end credits.
The characters suffer and whatever good work the four main adult characters do it is for nought.
I miss the oddness of Zelda Rubenstein's character and the smarminess of James Karen and the inventiveness of Industrial Light and Magic's visual effects.
Technically the ones in this film are 'better' but artistically the originals effects piss ectoplasm over these high tech bores.
Most of all I miss the pacing and the care that went into Hooper's original. It had real people reacting realistically to an unreal situation.
It built and built and the payoff was worth it.
I cared about the family and even the supporting characters.
It was (and is) a rollercoaster ride and a lot of fun.
This remake is the Disneyland cup and saucer ride of horror films.
If you are too scared to go on the rollercoaster you can go in the teacups and tell people that you went on a ride.
It's kind of true.
Avoid this one.
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