Seventh Son - directed by Sergei Bodrov
Starring: Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore, Ben Barnes, Alicia Vikander, Djimon Hounsou, Antje Traue, Olivia Williams, Kit Harrington
Running Time: 102 minutes
Rated: M - but really PG level fantasy violence a couple of notches below any of the LOTR movies.
Obviously this didn't do very well in the States - we all know that.
It is both a disadvantage and an advantage living outside of America for a movie fan.
On the one hand some of the magic of discovery is taken from us but on the other we are often saved from the disappointment of watching a turkey.
"Mortdecai" had already been savaged by critics and poor sales weeks before it arrived here so expectation wasn't high.
And that can sometimes be just the thing that is needed - lowered expectation.
So it is with "Seventh Son" - a movie I first became aware of at an IMAX screening where the trailer was played in 3D.
I like 3D and I like movies with creatures, monsters and wizards and things in them.
(actually since The Lord of the Rings movies I believe that to feel otherwise may be to court deportation)
The fact the this movie and "Jupiter Ascending" arrived within two weeks of each other with recent Oscar winners attached and dismal box office performances only served to position each as flicks that I don't particularly care about that can only really be pleasant surprises.
Jupiter failed in that regard and I didn't care much for it but whereas it represented just another bomb from the Wachowskis who are starting to look like one trick ponies "Seventh Son" had Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore - surely it couldn't be that bad?
What you have with "Seventh Son" is your basic fantasy flick set up whereby a young man subject to a prophecy is taken underwing by a gruff and powerful Father figure as they go on a quest to rid the lands of a great evil.
In this case (and in order) it is Ben Barnes, Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore who plays a witch.
We all know that there will be a surprise revelation at some point and a huge showdown bringing together every plot device introduced along the way.
In this film we have dagger throwing, a pendant, some familial relationships and a blood moon.
For me all that this sort of lark needs to work is a nice stream of effects laden action, some sword and sorcery and a couple of characters to root for and one or two against.
Oh dear.....
The first sign of trouble is Jeff bloody Bridges appalling attempt at a gruff wizard voice.
(Technically his Master Gregory is a knight but really it's all the same here)
I couldn't understand half of what he was saying and since his job for the first half is really just pure exposition it's a problem.
Not the biggest in the pot however because poor characterisation takes that crown.
I have no idea what Tom Ward (Ben Barnes) is up to.
He is introduced very quickly before being snatched away on a quest with only a hint of some sort of vision power and a teary Mother left behind.
Neither seems to bother him much.
Oh, and note that the highly publicised role for Game of Thrones' Kit Harrington is very, very minor which is probably good for his career after "Pompei" that other 3D potboiler he was in.
Now these issues could have gone away very quickly if the movie had served up a few nifty sequences as the duo belted three colours of poo out of an array of fearsome creatures but it drags its feet in this regard and we get nothing of note.
We do get the lovely Alicia Vikander as Alice- a mysterious love interest for Tom.
I like her a lot and am bizarrely fascinated with her almost perfect nose but even that wasn't enough to keep a growing sense of boredom at bay.
Then somewhere around the half way point finally we get something worth adjusting the 3D glasses for.
Don't ask me what it's called because it's not like I could discern what Bridges was saying when he yelled out "Run it's a grr-wargle-brr-doo!!" (refer the image below centre)
Seriously- even the films Wikipedia page describes it merely as 'a giant creature'.
Said creature emerges from below ground and chases the heroes - now joined by a troll-like creature called 'Tusk'- to the edge of a cliff which they are then forced to dive off.
It is in fact a pretty good sequence and the sort of thing that this film needed to be absolutely god damned loaded with.
It's fun with some nice creature design and a very, very well rendered waterfall plunge.
You see it's simple.... just give us lots of Sinbad-ish creatures, flashing swords and evil villains and you are half way there.
This isn't The Lord of the Rings or hell - Conan The Barbarian.
It is not serious stuff - it should be more fun!
To be fair the scenery is very nice indeed and there are several bad guys that are nicely done including a leopard woman, a multi armed swordsman and no less than three dragons but none are used anywhere near their potential.
Julianne Moore is pretty piss poor as the head villain and like Eddie Redmayne in "Jupiter Ascending" it isn't her fault (other than taking the role).
She is wrong for the part.
This part needs a Synnove Macody Lund or a Rhona Mitra or best of all the glory of an Eva Green.
Any of those would not only have been cheaper but would have absolutely chewed up this role.
No one glares and snarls and struts and spits like Green and does it all with the gravitas usually reserved for Shakespeare productions.
Let's recap the issues....
Casting.
Pacing.
Characterisation.
Jeff Bridges' accent.
It looks pretty damning and I am certainly not going to say that these negatives don't affect the movie- they do.... all of them.
But there are some good things about this movie.
The love story is okay and Barnes and Vikander are in fact rather good in the face of all the problems.
The 3D is merely average but on the whole "Seventh Son" is a nice looking movie.
About half of the visual effects are worth a damn which is surprising given John Dykstra's involvement.
Ultimately Seventh Son is a frustrating experience.
It didn't have to do too much to be considerably more enjoyable.
It had a $95,000,000 budget and obviously attached a good host of actors.
The British Columbia scenery is lovely and Marco Beltrami provided a suitably dramatic score.
A tighter script with better pacing and a couple of re-casts and this thing could have been a riot.
I really wanted to like this one but in all honesty unless you are an even bigger fan of Vikanders schnoz than I am it's the sort of film best enjoyed as a cheap weekly blu-ray rental or on tv when you're too lazy to change the channel.
RATING: 58 / 100
CONCLUSION: A weak fantasy flick that squanders a big budget and an impressive cast - give me 'Beastmaster' over this any day.
Running Time: 102 minutes
Rated: M - but really PG level fantasy violence a couple of notches below any of the LOTR movies.
Obviously this didn't do very well in the States - we all know that.
It is both a disadvantage and an advantage living outside of America for a movie fan.
On the one hand some of the magic of discovery is taken from us but on the other we are often saved from the disappointment of watching a turkey.
"Mortdecai" had already been savaged by critics and poor sales weeks before it arrived here so expectation wasn't high.
And that can sometimes be just the thing that is needed - lowered expectation.
So it is with "Seventh Son" - a movie I first became aware of at an IMAX screening where the trailer was played in 3D.
I like 3D and I like movies with creatures, monsters and wizards and things in them.
(actually since The Lord of the Rings movies I believe that to feel otherwise may be to court deportation)
The fact the this movie and "Jupiter Ascending" arrived within two weeks of each other with recent Oscar winners attached and dismal box office performances only served to position each as flicks that I don't particularly care about that can only really be pleasant surprises.
Jupiter failed in that regard and I didn't care much for it but whereas it represented just another bomb from the Wachowskis who are starting to look like one trick ponies "Seventh Son" had Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore - surely it couldn't be that bad?
What you have with "Seventh Son" is your basic fantasy flick set up whereby a young man subject to a prophecy is taken underwing by a gruff and powerful Father figure as they go on a quest to rid the lands of a great evil.
In this case (and in order) it is Ben Barnes, Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore who plays a witch.
We all know that there will be a surprise revelation at some point and a huge showdown bringing together every plot device introduced along the way.
In this film we have dagger throwing, a pendant, some familial relationships and a blood moon.
For me all that this sort of lark needs to work is a nice stream of effects laden action, some sword and sorcery and a couple of characters to root for and one or two against.
Oh dear.....
 |
| Ben Barnes and the beautiful Alicia Vikander are pretty good..... Bridges however..... |
(Technically his Master Gregory is a knight but really it's all the same here)
I couldn't understand half of what he was saying and since his job for the first half is really just pure exposition it's a problem.
Not the biggest in the pot however because poor characterisation takes that crown.
I have no idea what Tom Ward (Ben Barnes) is up to.
He is introduced very quickly before being snatched away on a quest with only a hint of some sort of vision power and a teary Mother left behind.
Neither seems to bother him much.
Oh, and note that the highly publicised role for Game of Thrones' Kit Harrington is very, very minor which is probably good for his career after "Pompei" that other 3D potboiler he was in.
Now these issues could have gone away very quickly if the movie had served up a few nifty sequences as the duo belted three colours of poo out of an array of fearsome creatures but it drags its feet in this regard and we get nothing of note.
We do get the lovely Alicia Vikander as Alice- a mysterious love interest for Tom.
I like her a lot and am bizarrely fascinated with her almost perfect nose but even that wasn't enough to keep a growing sense of boredom at bay.
Then somewhere around the half way point finally we get something worth adjusting the 3D glasses for.
Don't ask me what it's called because it's not like I could discern what Bridges was saying when he yelled out "Run it's a grr-wargle-brr-doo!!" (refer the image below centre)
Seriously- even the films Wikipedia page describes it merely as 'a giant creature'.
Said creature emerges from below ground and chases the heroes - now joined by a troll-like creature called 'Tusk'- to the edge of a cliff which they are then forced to dive off.
It is in fact a pretty good sequence and the sort of thing that this film needed to be absolutely god damned loaded with.
It's fun with some nice creature design and a very, very well rendered waterfall plunge.
You see it's simple.... just give us lots of Sinbad-ish creatures, flashing swords and evil villains and you are half way there.
This isn't The Lord of the Rings or hell - Conan The Barbarian.
It is not serious stuff - it should be more fun!
To be fair the scenery is very nice indeed and there are several bad guys that are nicely done including a leopard woman, a multi armed swordsman and no less than three dragons but none are used anywhere near their potential.
Julianne Moore is pretty piss poor as the head villain and like Eddie Redmayne in "Jupiter Ascending" it isn't her fault (other than taking the role).
She is wrong for the part.
This part needs a Synnove Macody Lund or a Rhona Mitra or best of all the glory of an Eva Green.
Any of those would not only have been cheaper but would have absolutely chewed up this role.
No one glares and snarls and struts and spits like Green and does it all with the gravitas usually reserved for Shakespeare productions.
 |
| A good cast and a few decent effects sequences can't make up for the many shortcomings |
Casting.
Pacing.
Characterisation.
Jeff Bridges' accent.
It looks pretty damning and I am certainly not going to say that these negatives don't affect the movie- they do.... all of them.
But there are some good things about this movie.
The love story is okay and Barnes and Vikander are in fact rather good in the face of all the problems.
The 3D is merely average but on the whole "Seventh Son" is a nice looking movie.
About half of the visual effects are worth a damn which is surprising given John Dykstra's involvement.
Ultimately Seventh Son is a frustrating experience.
It didn't have to do too much to be considerably more enjoyable.
It had a $95,000,000 budget and obviously attached a good host of actors.
The British Columbia scenery is lovely and Marco Beltrami provided a suitably dramatic score.
A tighter script with better pacing and a couple of re-casts and this thing could have been a riot.
I really wanted to like this one but in all honesty unless you are an even bigger fan of Vikanders schnoz than I am it's the sort of film best enjoyed as a cheap weekly blu-ray rental or on tv when you're too lazy to change the channel.
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