Jupiter Ascending - directed by Lana and Andy Wachowski
Starring: Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Eddie Redmayne, Sean Bean, Douglas Booth
Running Time: 127 minutes
Rated: M - violence and language but realistically this is PG stuff
After a more than six month delay from its original July 2014 release date the Wachowski's new Sci-Fi spectacle flick finally arrives in cinemas.
The official reason for the delay was that more time was needed for the extensive special effects to be finished.
After seeing the film it seems like one of two reasonable reasons for such a lengthy delay.
Yes- there is an abundance of pretty impressive special effects in this movie and they must have taken a lot of people a long time to complete.
But surely the reality that the effects were not going to be complete in time would have hit long before the delay was announced a mere month from the intended release and long before trailers emblazoned "July 2014" were shown in cinemas?
Which brings me to the (in my mind) other reasonable delay reason..... the movie was a mess.
I am picking that Warner execs were none too confident in the films chances of success and ordered more whizzbang effects sequences to try to boost its appeal.
Pure speculation on my part because I always smell a rat with delays handled like this one.
And then there was the Sundance preview screening that met with unenthusiastic responses from a crowd which is admittedly not ideal for a big budget studio pic.
So what are we left with in Jupiter Ascending's final form - a mess or not?
I am going to say 'not' but it is very far from an emphatic call.
There is a lot that doesn't work about this film.
A lot!
Chiefly the undercooked script that serves up flat characters doing things that just don't ring true.
What we have here is the tale of a poor immigrant woman named Jupiter (the always appealing Mila Kunis) who finds herself caught up in a galactic poo flinging contest between three siblings intent on harvesting the human race for reasons that are almost too silly to type.
And it counts as a spoiler and I don't want to go there... but trust me- absurd.
Jupiter is saved by Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) who smashes through a hospital theatre door to save her from alien space monkeys disguised as surgeons who are trying to kill her.
He takes her on an extended hover-roller-skate ride through Chicago pursued by laser bolt spewing spaceships then delivers her to Stinger (Sean Bean) before some extras from the rave scene in "The Matrix Reloaded" attack them and Caine saves her by smashing through a wall in the house.
Later he will save her from the consequences of yet more errors of judgment by smashing through a floor and smashing through an Astro Cathedral wall.
I'm not kidding - every action sequence starts with Jupiter making a dumb decision then Caine smashing through something to save her.
I feel a drinking game coming on....
For a woman whose life normally consists of 4:15am wake ups to commence a day of cleaning toilets Jupiter is oddly unfazed when she is dropped smack in the middle of a spaceship and hover boot laden assassination attempt closely followed by the revelation that she is the rightful owner of planet Earth- a place that was seeded by a galactic corporation a billion years ago.
She, along with Caine, Stinger, both winged lizard men and every single other bloody character in this thing are so paper thin and underdeveloped that it is almost impressive.
And then there is poor old Eddie Redmayne.
In the same month that the talented Brit won an Oscar he delivers the most baffling performance of the year to date.
His villainous Balem Adrasax speaks in either whispers or shrieks neither of which are menacing or intimidating.
He just cannot be intimidating- he has neither the voice nor the physical presence- not in this film at least.
I would venture that it isn't Redmayne's fault.
He is clearly a talented and versatile actor - refer to the likes of "My Week With Marilyn" (review), "Hick", the otherwise appalling "Les Miserables" (review) and of course the rather good and Oscar bearing "The Theory of Everything" (review)
Balem is supposed to be some sort of Loki / Hans Gruber hybrid space villain but comes off more like the Big Bang Theory's Sheldon cosplaying Tulsa Doom.
I suspect that Redmayne is merely performing the character as instructed by the Wachowskis.
It is hardly his fault that he is hopelessly miscast.
Honestly- what I wouldn't give to see Kim Coates or Lord help me Nicolas Cage in this role.
What does work in Jupiter Ascending is the aforementioned special effects which are often spectacular and always loaded with quite some measure of imagination.
The design of the alien interiors, the ships, weapons and even costuming is slick and appealing.
A lot of thought and work has gone into their creation.
Also impressive are some of the plot hooks that the Wachowski's have packed in.
We are told that the alien race are responsible for a lot of myths and mysteries- vampires, crop circles, the mad gibberings of people who witnessed hover boot chases and were missed by the mass memory wipings that are used to patch such things up.
Honestly- these little details are really quite interesting.
Kunis is also a plus but only if you are a fan already- nothing that she does here will garner her any new fans.
She's gorgeous and I could look at those incredible eyes for hours without getting remotely bored but the kindest thing I can say about her work as Jupiter is that the actress makes the most out of a thankless role and looks very fetching doing it.
The gullible, constantly screwing up bog cleaner is made tolerable only by the appeal of Kunis and she deserves all of the credit.
Visually the effects and the typically wonderful cinematography by the masterful John Toll are also pluses.
This is a seriously good looking movie.
The 3D is neither effective nor distracting but if you are determined to see this thing please do so at an IMAX auditorium if you can.
That screen was made for visuals feasts such as this.
"Jupiter Ascending" isn't great but going into it not expecting much should mean that you'll have a bit of fun with it.
Running Time: 127 minutes
Rated: M - violence and language but realistically this is PG stuff
After a more than six month delay from its original July 2014 release date the Wachowski's new Sci-Fi spectacle flick finally arrives in cinemas.
The official reason for the delay was that more time was needed for the extensive special effects to be finished.
After seeing the film it seems like one of two reasonable reasons for such a lengthy delay.
Yes- there is an abundance of pretty impressive special effects in this movie and they must have taken a lot of people a long time to complete.
But surely the reality that the effects were not going to be complete in time would have hit long before the delay was announced a mere month from the intended release and long before trailers emblazoned "July 2014" were shown in cinemas?
Which brings me to the (in my mind) other reasonable delay reason..... the movie was a mess.
I am picking that Warner execs were none too confident in the films chances of success and ordered more whizzbang effects sequences to try to boost its appeal.
Pure speculation on my part because I always smell a rat with delays handled like this one.
And then there was the Sundance preview screening that met with unenthusiastic responses from a crowd which is admittedly not ideal for a big budget studio pic.
So what are we left with in Jupiter Ascending's final form - a mess or not?
 |
| Mila Kunis as Jupiter - Padme impressions and lots of falling but always gorgeous |
There is a lot that doesn't work about this film.
A lot!
Chiefly the undercooked script that serves up flat characters doing things that just don't ring true.
What we have here is the tale of a poor immigrant woman named Jupiter (the always appealing Mila Kunis) who finds herself caught up in a galactic poo flinging contest between three siblings intent on harvesting the human race for reasons that are almost too silly to type.
And it counts as a spoiler and I don't want to go there... but trust me- absurd.
Jupiter is saved by Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) who smashes through a hospital theatre door to save her from alien space monkeys disguised as surgeons who are trying to kill her.
He takes her on an extended hover-roller-skate ride through Chicago pursued by laser bolt spewing spaceships then delivers her to Stinger (Sean Bean) before some extras from the rave scene in "The Matrix Reloaded" attack them and Caine saves her by smashing through a wall in the house.
Later he will save her from the consequences of yet more errors of judgment by smashing through a floor and smashing through an Astro Cathedral wall.
I'm not kidding - every action sequence starts with Jupiter making a dumb decision then Caine smashing through something to save her.
I feel a drinking game coming on....
For a woman whose life normally consists of 4:15am wake ups to commence a day of cleaning toilets Jupiter is oddly unfazed when she is dropped smack in the middle of a spaceship and hover boot laden assassination attempt closely followed by the revelation that she is the rightful owner of planet Earth- a place that was seeded by a galactic corporation a billion years ago.
She, along with Caine, Stinger, both winged lizard men and every single other bloody character in this thing are so paper thin and underdeveloped that it is almost impressive.
And then there is poor old Eddie Redmayne.
In the same month that the talented Brit won an Oscar he delivers the most baffling performance of the year to date.
His villainous Balem Adrasax speaks in either whispers or shrieks neither of which are menacing or intimidating.
He just cannot be intimidating- he has neither the voice nor the physical presence- not in this film at least.
I would venture that it isn't Redmayne's fault.
He is clearly a talented and versatile actor - refer to the likes of "My Week With Marilyn" (review), "Hick", the otherwise appalling "Les Miserables" (review) and of course the rather good and Oscar bearing "The Theory of Everything" (review)
Balem is supposed to be some sort of Loki / Hans Gruber hybrid space villain but comes off more like the Big Bang Theory's Sheldon cosplaying Tulsa Doom.
I suspect that Redmayne is merely performing the character as instructed by the Wachowskis.
It is hardly his fault that he is hopelessly miscast.
Honestly- what I wouldn't give to see Kim Coates or Lord help me Nicolas Cage in this role.
 |
| Tatum & Sean Bean (L), Douglas Booth & Kumis and (R) Eddie Redmayne as a very un-scary bad guy |
The design of the alien interiors, the ships, weapons and even costuming is slick and appealing.
A lot of thought and work has gone into their creation.
Also impressive are some of the plot hooks that the Wachowski's have packed in.
We are told that the alien race are responsible for a lot of myths and mysteries- vampires, crop circles, the mad gibberings of people who witnessed hover boot chases and were missed by the mass memory wipings that are used to patch such things up.
Honestly- these little details are really quite interesting.
Kunis is also a plus but only if you are a fan already- nothing that she does here will garner her any new fans.
She's gorgeous and I could look at those incredible eyes for hours without getting remotely bored but the kindest thing I can say about her work as Jupiter is that the actress makes the most out of a thankless role and looks very fetching doing it.
The gullible, constantly screwing up bog cleaner is made tolerable only by the appeal of Kunis and she deserves all of the credit.
Visually the effects and the typically wonderful cinematography by the masterful John Toll are also pluses.
This is a seriously good looking movie.
The 3D is neither effective nor distracting but if you are determined to see this thing please do so at an IMAX auditorium if you can.
That screen was made for visuals feasts such as this.
 |
| If nothing else Jupiter Ascending looks damned amazing (and also a lot like other movies) |
There are however a couple of conditions to that....
You will need to be a fan of either Mila Kunis or Channing Tatum.
And you are going to have to ditch any ideas of believable characters or a plot that makes any sense - it never rises above plain silliness.
The characters are all undercooked, the action is oddly unexciting for the most part and there is no chemistry between Kunis and Tatum.
It is derivative of everything from Guardians of the Galaxy, Star Wars Episode One, Lord of the Rings and even previous Wachowski flicks but hell- it is fun in its own stupid way and if nothing else you can play the 'I wonder if/how Sean Bean will die in this one?" game.
RATING: 60 / 100
CONCLUSION: For Kunis and/or diehard Sci-Fi or effects fans only
You will need to be a fan of either Mila Kunis or Channing Tatum.
And you are going to have to ditch any ideas of believable characters or a plot that makes any sense - it never rises above plain silliness.
The characters are all undercooked, the action is oddly unexciting for the most part and there is no chemistry between Kunis and Tatum.
It is derivative of everything from Guardians of the Galaxy, Star Wars Episode One, Lord of the Rings and even previous Wachowski flicks but hell- it is fun in its own stupid way and if nothing else you can play the 'I wonder if/how Sean Bean will die in this one?" game.
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