"Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters" - directed by Tommy Wirkola
Based on the critical reception so far and the barrage of questions that Jeremy Renner has faced in interviews promoting "Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters" no one likes having fun at the movies any more.
It is the only explanation that I can come up with.
This is not a badly made or badly acted movie.
The script is not going to make Aaron Sorkin or William Goldman quake in their boots but it is perfectly serviceable.
It's a fun movie.
We can file it alongside "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" and even the admittedly superior "Snow White and the Huntsman".
It's a movie that takes a well known story and gives it a twist.
The cynical amongst us might immediately hate it purely because it represents 'Hollywood running out of ideas' or even worse 'Hollywood cashing in on a classic'.
To the first accusation I say that any concept can be injected with imagination and intelligent ideas so a lack of originality in the concept isn't necessarily a huge issue.
And I deny that such a lack exists in this case anyway.
The second point about Hollywood cashing in is easily addressed.
People won't pay if they don't want to see it and if people want to see it then good.
It's kind of the idea- you make a movie that people want to see.
So in conclusion if you are the sort of dull film snob who has ever uttered either accusation without actually seeing the movie you deride then I implore you not to see this movie.
It doesn't need or want you and the only fun you'll have is in hating it.
For the rest I say give this one a look if it appeals to you.
The title, the poster and the trailers provide all the information that you need to decide whether this is your kind of movie or not.
With that in mind you will be rewarded with a pretty decent hour and twenty minutes of pure popcorn fun.
The basic set up is that after surviving the famous witch and her enticing candy house, brother and sister Hansel and Gretel become Witch Hunters for hire.
They have ultra cool leather attire and pack some serious firepower of a not entirely historically accurate variety.
Gretel has grown into a super sexy ass kicker courtesy of gorgeous Brit Gemma Arterton ("Prince of Persia", "Clash of the Titans").
She is the brains of the outfit too.
The brawn comes in the form of Jeremy Renner's Hansel.
He is not as considered as his sister and comes with a little bit of a weakness.
All the time in the cage at the witches place being fattened up for the oven on candy has left him with the 'sugar disease'.
We know it as diabetes and he must inject himself daily to prevent death from the ailment.
It's a fascinatingly goofy idea.
The grown up versions of the duo are introduced to us in a scene in the town square where a beautiful redhead named Mina is to be burned as a witch.
A milk vendor is selling bottles of milk with pictures of missing children on the side.
There is no shortage of imagination with any opportunity to have fun with the classic Grimm tale gleefully accepted.
There are twists and those in the second half are pretty good.
You can see a couple of them coming a mile off but they still work.
The movie has a fine villain in the form of the still stunning Famke Janssen who switches between an evil, ugly mode and the striking Holland Hottie that we all know and love.
Interesting that both Janssen and Arterton are former Bond Girls with the former in 1995's "Goldeneye" and the latter in 2008's "Quantum of Solace"
My favourite character however is the troll Edward played by Derek Mears.
(Mears has played hulking monsters before in movies such as "Friday the Thirteenth" and "Predators")
Edward is required to be in the service of witches and he is at the centre of the first little twist in the story.
The last major player is young Ben (Michael Thomas) who has the kind of scrapbook filled with newspaper clippings normally created for Rock Bands by teenaged girls.
He is a Hansel & Gretel fanboy and even has fan art of Gretel in his bedroom.
And why not? Gemma Arterton is gloriously sexy in her outfits.
She seems to have perfected a sort of sultry swagger when carrying a crossbow that is exploited in the many scenes of her and her brother advancing on their targets.
Clearly she is having fun playing the role.
Co-star Renner can do this sort of action stuff in his sleep.
He's been doing it for years in flicks like "SWAT", "The Town" and of course the recent "The Bourne Legacy".
Someone that I was not familiar with is Finnish actress Pihla Viitala.
Her role as Mina will be a talking point at water coolers in offices around the world I am sure.
She plays the accused witch rescued from a burning by our heroes and becomes a love interest for Hansel.
She is insanely beautiful and apart from packing some serious firepower late in the movie has a nude scene that comes right out of the blue.
The film certainly ticks all of the boxes in terms of providing the thrills.
Will Ferrell and Adam McKay are producers on this movie which initially surprised me but shouldn't have.
They are famous for their sense of fun and exploiting of quirky concepts.
Director Wirkola made the rather neat Nazi Zombie movie "Dead Snow" a few years back and this is another nice addition to his CV.
There are a bunch of reasons that I enjoyed this and by virtue of the sheer number the film works.
"Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters" possesses a fair amount of imagination and the leads have good chemistry playing the goofy Brother and Sister team.
The 3D is pretty good with lots of stuff flying at the audience.
It has Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen and the lovely (and surprisingly naked) Pihla Viitala in it so it is not short of visual appeal of all sorts.
Jeremy Renner is always great and even gets a love scene - I don't recall ever seeing him do one.
There are a decent number of laughs in it.
The gore is nice and splattery.
And it is just mad fun.
It's no classic and it isn't as good as "Snow White and the Huntsman" or even the first 3D Piranha movie but I've said it before - if the poster looks good to you you'll have a good time.
I certainly did.
It is the only explanation that I can come up with.
This is not a badly made or badly acted movie.
The script is not going to make Aaron Sorkin or William Goldman quake in their boots but it is perfectly serviceable.
It's a fun movie.
We can file it alongside "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" and even the admittedly superior "Snow White and the Huntsman".
It's a movie that takes a well known story and gives it a twist.
The cynical amongst us might immediately hate it purely because it represents 'Hollywood running out of ideas' or even worse 'Hollywood cashing in on a classic'.
To the first accusation I say that any concept can be injected with imagination and intelligent ideas so a lack of originality in the concept isn't necessarily a huge issue.
And I deny that such a lack exists in this case anyway.
The second point about Hollywood cashing in is easily addressed.
People won't pay if they don't want to see it and if people want to see it then good.
It's kind of the idea- you make a movie that people want to see.
So in conclusion if you are the sort of dull film snob who has ever uttered either accusation without actually seeing the movie you deride then I implore you not to see this movie.
It doesn't need or want you and the only fun you'll have is in hating it.
For the rest I say give this one a look if it appeals to you.
The title, the poster and the trailers provide all the information that you need to decide whether this is your kind of movie or not.
With that in mind you will be rewarded with a pretty decent hour and twenty minutes of pure popcorn fun.
 |
| Gemma Arteron as Gretel and Jeremy Renner as Hansel |
They have ultra cool leather attire and pack some serious firepower of a not entirely historically accurate variety.
Gretel has grown into a super sexy ass kicker courtesy of gorgeous Brit Gemma Arterton ("Prince of Persia", "Clash of the Titans").
She is the brains of the outfit too.
The brawn comes in the form of Jeremy Renner's Hansel.
He is not as considered as his sister and comes with a little bit of a weakness.
All the time in the cage at the witches place being fattened up for the oven on candy has left him with the 'sugar disease'.
We know it as diabetes and he must inject himself daily to prevent death from the ailment.
It's a fascinatingly goofy idea.
The grown up versions of the duo are introduced to us in a scene in the town square where a beautiful redhead named Mina is to be burned as a witch.
A milk vendor is selling bottles of milk with pictures of missing children on the side.
There is no shortage of imagination with any opportunity to have fun with the classic Grimm tale gleefully accepted.
There are twists and those in the second half are pretty good.
You can see a couple of them coming a mile off but they still work.
The movie has a fine villain in the form of the still stunning Famke Janssen who switches between an evil, ugly mode and the striking Holland Hottie that we all know and love.
Interesting that both Janssen and Arterton are former Bond Girls with the former in 1995's "Goldeneye" and the latter in 2008's "Quantum of Solace"
 |
| The always excellent Famke Janssen as evil witch Muriel |
(Mears has played hulking monsters before in movies such as "Friday the Thirteenth" and "Predators")
Edward is required to be in the service of witches and he is at the centre of the first little twist in the story.
The last major player is young Ben (Michael Thomas) who has the kind of scrapbook filled with newspaper clippings normally created for Rock Bands by teenaged girls.
He is a Hansel & Gretel fanboy and even has fan art of Gretel in his bedroom.
And why not? Gemma Arterton is gloriously sexy in her outfits.
She seems to have perfected a sort of sultry swagger when carrying a crossbow that is exploited in the many scenes of her and her brother advancing on their targets.
Clearly she is having fun playing the role.
Co-star Renner can do this sort of action stuff in his sleep.
 |
| The troll Edward |
Someone that I was not familiar with is Finnish actress Pihla Viitala.
Her role as Mina will be a talking point at water coolers in offices around the world I am sure.
She plays the accused witch rescued from a burning by our heroes and becomes a love interest for Hansel.
She is insanely beautiful and apart from packing some serious firepower late in the movie has a nude scene that comes right out of the blue.
The film certainly ticks all of the boxes in terms of providing the thrills.
Will Ferrell and Adam McKay are producers on this movie which initially surprised me but shouldn't have.
They are famous for their sense of fun and exploiting of quirky concepts.
Director Wirkola made the rather neat Nazi Zombie movie "Dead Snow" a few years back and this is another nice addition to his CV.
There are a bunch of reasons that I enjoyed this and by virtue of the sheer number the film works.
"Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters" possesses a fair amount of imagination and the leads have good chemistry playing the goofy Brother and Sister team.
The 3D is pretty good with lots of stuff flying at the audience.
It has Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen and the lovely (and surprisingly naked) Pihla Viitala in it so it is not short of visual appeal of all sorts.
 |
| The beautiful Pihla Viitala plays Mina |
There are a decent number of laughs in it.
The gore is nice and splattery.
And it is just mad fun.
It's no classic and it isn't as good as "Snow White and the Huntsman" or even the first 3D Piranha movie but I've said it before - if the poster looks good to you you'll have a good time.
I certainly did.
| Rated | R16 for splattery gore, small amount of profanity and a brief nude scene |
| Running Time: | 88 minutes (1hr, 21mins without end credits) |
| Starring: |
| Jeremy Renner | --- Hansel |
| Gemma Arterton | --- Gretel |
| Famke Janssen | --- Muriel |
| Derek Mears | --- Edward |
| Pihla Viitala | --- Mina |
| Robin Atkin Downes | --- Edward (voice) |
| Ingrid Bolso Berdal | --- Horned Witch |
| Joanna Kulig | --- Red Haired Witch |
| Thomas Mann | --- Ben |
| Peter Stormare | --- Sheriff Berringer |
| Bjorn Sundquist | --- Jackson |
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